Needles and Swords
by souchan
Summary: At times a sword's blow may be powerful, but a needle's subtle sting can be more painful. This is a story revolves around the troubling lives of Shinpachi, his daughter Akairi, and Soujiro. Read to find out each's approach to happiness and its price.
1. Chapter 1: Mother and Daughter

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane. I claim ownership to this fanfiction with the original characters, however. 

**Part 1: Akairi and the Wolf of Mibu**

**Chapter 1: Mother and Daughter**

Outskirts Osaka. End of Autumn 1868 (4th year of the Keiou Era).

Autumn has passed by quickly, leaving behind it nothing but a trail of withering leaves, rue and sorrow in the minds and hearts of many.

Autumn is beautiful, yes, but it is transient as well.  
To Kaede, she has always lived in autumn. Her life knew no youthful spring, no cheerful summer, nor sorrowful winter...or at least not yet.

Once she had been clothed in luxury and pleasure and love. Only long enough to discover how short-lived those things are.

Kaede plucked at a chord on her koto and began playing a love song she had known by heart. The music was gentle at first, like the red maple leaves falling outside the porch where she was sitting.

_...She was noble and proud. She was the daughter of an eminent samurai clan._

_She was elegant and beautiful. She was a lady of chastity._

Then came the war. It tore her family apart. It threw her father and mother and sisters and brothers into bloody deaths. It tossed her into this brothel, this gory hell of carnality!

What is she now? She is nothing more than a wretched whore! A malicious matron making a living on helpless girls' agony!

Her fingers struck down on the chords with the ferocity of a thunderstorm. They clawed violently back and forth as if to tear up the koto. Each note was her scream! Her fury! Her pain! Her sorrow! Her despair!

Streams of tear rolled down her cheeks. Her sobbings were audible even amidst the cacophony of sounds. Kaede played as if she was fused with madness. So overcame by her emotions, she failed to notice the string of footfalls coming towards her from the other end of the hallway.

Out of the blue, Kaede felt a pair of tiny hands covering her tear-brimmed eyes. As if electrified, she stopped playing instantly and sat still like a stone statue.

She heard a child's cheerful laughter dissolving into the air. The spell was broken. Kaede caught her breath.

"Kaa-chan, what is today?"

Kaede peeled the tiny hands off her eyes and quickly dapped her eyes with her kimono sleeves before she turned to face Akairi.

Akairi. Her precious daughter. Her sole companion in this lonely, sinister world. Her only source of light and joy. Kaede'd give anything just to see the childish, adorable smile beaming upon that innocent face. Always clad in splendid kimonos made of the finest silk--those that were once Kaede's but now fixed to fit Akairi's small frame--, Akairi looked like a hime-chan, a poignant reminiscence of Kaede's jubilant past.

The daughter looked nothing like her mother, with a nimble, diminutive frame and her burgundy hair partially tied into a ponytail, her mischievous hazel brown eyes, plus the most remarkable string of freckles that traveled down the length of her tiny nose. On the other hand, Kaede possessed an air of grace, with a tall, refined appearance, and scarlet lips, ivory complexion, in addition to the long, silken ebony hair twisted into an intricate knotwith along silver hairpin (and adorned with other various smaller decorated hairpins made of metal as well). However, if one is to look more closely at their personalities, it is certain that Akairi inherited her intrepidation and unsuppressable pride from Kaede.

"What is wrong, Kaa-chan? Why Kaa-chan cry?"

"Iie, I probably have a speck of dust in my eyes, that's all. See how windy it is today, Akai-chan? The wind blows around plenty of dust."

The little girl seemed satisfied with her Kaa-chan's explanation, and repeated her previous question. "I have no idea what today is. You'll just have to remind me, Akai-chan." replied Kaede.

The eight years old girl fumed, "Kaa-chan lying! Akairi is mad! Not playing with Kaa-chan!"

Kaede said, "Alright. I suppose you won't need me sleeping by your side at night any longer, will you?" Seeing Akairi's pout, she let out a soft laugh: "You're so cute when you're mad, Akai-chan. Let's go inside, Kaa-chan's got something for you."

"Domo arigatou, Kaa-chan! Akairi can open?" Akairi beamed, hugging the nicely-wrapped present to her chest. Seeing her Kaa-chan's nod, she started to untie the ribbon on top.

"Do you like it? Kaede asked, indicating the beautiful wooden doll dressed in crimson silk brocade similar to Akairi's. "It's custom made. Does it looks like somebody we know?"

"Like Akairi?"

"Hai." But beneath Akairi's happy expression was an obvious disappointment.

"What's the matter?"

"Iie, doll is very pretty, Kaa-chan! Akairi loves it."

"Akai-chan. Tell me what's wrong. Today is your birthday. If you are not happy, neither am I."

Akairi looked at Kaede sadly, "Tou-chan."

"You have no father, Akai-chan." Kaede bit her lips, her voice dripping of bitterness.

Akairi shook her Kaachan's hand in earnest, almost pleading, **"Kaa-chan! Say Akairi has Tou-chan! Say Akairi not bastard!"**

Kaede was infuriated, "Who said that? Who said you're a bastard?"

"Michiko."

Kaede spat at the name, "That despicable, god-damned whore! She'll be sorry for this!" Then, turning to Akairi, she said, "Don't listen to her. You know how she hates the two of us. You are not a bastard. You are my jewel. My precious child."

Heedless of her Kaa-chan's word, Akairi cried out,"Kaa-chan! Say Akairi not bastard! Where is Tou-chan?!" Furiously, the little girl tossed the doll aside and threw the crumbled gift box across the floor.

Before Kaede could say anything to palliate Akairi, she heard a knock on the door, followed by a woman's voice:

"Toyotomi, there's some girl wanting to speak to you outside."

Kaede stood up and opened the shoji, "Akai-chan dearest, I have to leave for a while. Will you be good?"

Akairi did not look up when her mother left.

"Takiko!" exclaimed Kaede at the sight of the dishevelled teenage girl who was waiting for her in another room.

"Kaede-san! It's been so long since we've last met! How have you been? Where is Akairi-chan?" exclaimed Takiko--a former scullerymaid in the Shinsengumi compound--, who was utmost relieved to see Kaede.

"Indeed it has been too long. I am alright, so does Akai-chan. Have you been well? What of the Shinsengumi? How is Shinpat-san and everyone?"

Takiko's face was grave, "Have you not heard, Kaede-san?"

"About what?" asked a wide-eyed Kaede.

"Kondou-san was...beheaded. And...and Okita-san...!" sobbed Takiko loudly, unable to continue.

"How has Okita-san been faring?"

Takiko broke down in tears.

"I am so sorry, Takiko." Kaede meant it. She knew what a pleasant young man Okita was, and how Takiko was very fond of him. "What about the rest of them?"

Takiko suppressed her tears and answered. "Hijikata-san is still resisting against the Ishinshishi and gone North with a group of men, but it seems that the Shinsengumi is meeting its end now..."

"What about Shinpat-san?" She tried the best to retain her patience, but Kaede's mind was quaking with fear of the worst.

Takiko remained silent. The air became dense with anticipation. So dense it was almost tangible, solidated, that nearly caused Kaede to suffocate.

Finally, Takiko spoke, "...Earlier in the spring, Nagakura-san and Harada-san left the Shinsengumi to head for Aizu due to an argument with Kondou-san and Hijikata-san. Though rumor has it that Harada-san was killed in Edo...perhaps along with Nagakura-san, since they went together..."

Noticed the unnatural paleness of Kaede's face after hearing the last bit of news, Takiko went on softly, "It is utmost unpleasant news... Yet I think Akairi-chan should know. She is old enough."

"Iie, Akai-chan doesn't know about Shinpat-san. Let's not burden her with this horrible news." replied Kaede frankly. "What will you do now?

Takiko spoke with a trembling voice, "It is shameful of me to come begging of you like this. But I have nowhere else to go..."

"I will neither discourage or encourage you to stay. It is entirely your decision. Consider it carefully."

"What's a homeless girl to do, Kaede-san? I'd be ravished on the streets just as I would be...living here." murmured Takiko bitterly. Her eyes watered as she lowered her head in despair.

Kaede walked out the door and was soon returned with the woman who told Takiko to wait, "This is Miyagi-san. She will show you where your room is, and give you an overview of this place. Domo arigatou, Miyagi-san."

The woman nodded and signaled for Takiko to follow her.

Alone, Kaede shut the door and dropped down on her knees like a sack of rice, completely distraught. Uncontrollable tears sprang down her cheeks, those that she had held back for so long now gushed forth like water streaming out of a broken dam. In a feeble attempt to silent the unsuppressable sobs, she stuffed her mouth with her kimono sleeve. But the sobs kept on coming from her throat no matter how hard she tried...

**End of chapter 1.**

**Next chapter: Mother and Son.**

_--The Heaven cries our tears...Dearest Sou...--_


	2. Chapter 2: Mother and Son

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or Peacemaker Kurogane. I claim ownership to this fanfic & the OCs, though.

**Part 1: Akairi and the Wolf of Mibu **

**Chapter 2: Mother and Son **

Kanagawa Prefecture, 1861.

She was the mother that abandoned her own flesh and blood.

And she had vowed that she would take care of Soujiro for as long as she'd lived. Watch over him as he grows up day by day. Teach him to live as a good person. See to it that he is happy…

So many things she wants to do for her Sou-chan. So many things she needs to do…

But she'd probably never get the chance to do them.

"Please take my baby in, Seta-san! I beg you!" She beseeched to them in anguish. "Please take him in…" She prostrated herself at their feet in desperation.

They were cold-hearted people. They didn't give a damn about her pleading. They were smirking and exchanging sastisfied looks to each other. A shower of sneers and invectives poured down upon her. It was much colder than the icy rain whipping against her slim frame. She did not retort. She did not weep. She did nothing except pressing the wailing Soujiro closer to her bosom. So forceful it made him cry louder.

She crawled into the porch. Yes, crawled, for she had no energy to walk. The brother's wife growled at her, "How dare you, you revolting wench! Get your filthy self and that little bastard out of here before we have to dirty our hands throwing you out!"

She hissed, anger boiling inside her, "**I care naught what you call me! But my child has parents! And he will not be drenched in the rain if that'd be the death of me!**"

A slap burned on her cheek, leaving an ugly red mark upon her wary face. To her, it didn't hurt at all. She was used to pain, both physical and emotional, that she was jaded by it.

The mother scoffed, "You think you can come crawling to us now that the fool died?! What makes you think we would take that burden on ourselves? You must be insane!"

"The three of you are a disgrace! A stain in the family! Now just get out before someone sees you here!!" boomed the drunken brother.

Pleading didn't work. Not to this sort of heartless creatures. So she tried the final tactic, "I will pay for his expenses. Money for his food and clothing. You won't have to spend a sen on him."

They glanced at each other, eyes flashing in greed, "For every single month. If it's late, we'll kick him out."

"Every single month for as long as he lives here." She sighed. All of the sudden she felt the exhaustion and agony suppressed for the past few months taking toil on her. Her body was freezing. Her back was aching. Her throat was sore. Her eyes were throbbing. Her mind was void.

"Dearest Sou, please don't cry anymore. Kaa-chan loves you…Kaa-chan loves you a million stars…" She gently rocked Soujiro back and forth, tears streaming from her eyes as water would from a flooded river.

"Are you crying because you're angry at Kaa-chan? Kaa-chan is sorry! So so very sorry…Kaa-chan can't…take you along…" She wept profusely as she hugged Soujiro closer, trying to keep him warm. But it just made it worse, because she herself was soaked from inside out.

"Teishu…please don't be upset with me…I can't take Sou along…I can't let him have the same cursed life I have…"

It's the truth. She cannot bring him with her. She cannot bear to see the sordid world she was living in swallow up her son's innocence and spit him out marred and soiled. Her life doesn't belong to her. It belongs to the lechers who come in at nights and the bloodsuckers who own that place. If something happens… if by any chance they aren't pleased with her… all that remains of her would just be a lifeless corpse in the middle of a bloodbath…

What would happen to Sou then?

She couldn't bear the thought of it.

The Seta family, no matter how spiteful, is still his family. At least they'd treat him more civilly than the bloodsuckers at the brothel.

"Teishu, please watch over our Sou…Please protect him…"

She pressed Soujiro close to her one last time before placing him on the mat and rushed out of the room with the last bit of energy she could muster. Her hands flew to her ears and adhered to them. Blindly, she ran through the rain, stumbling and tripping into the mud as she goes.

One word echoed in her mind. _Run. Run. Run._

Still hearing Soujiro's heartbreaking cries, she jammed her fingers into her ears harder. Her eyes were blurry from both the rain and tears. She saw nothing but darkness. Heard nothing but Sou's hoarse wailing and her own weeping amidst the crying of heaven.

_Run, run, run…_

Her son's wailing never seemed to end. It haunts her every step even as she ran further and further away from the Seta residence.

**End of Chapter 2. **

**Next chapter: Absentee Father.**

_--Tou-chan...so far and away...--_


	3. Chapter 3: Absentee Father

**Disclaimer: **I don't own PMK or Rurouni Kenshin.

**Glossary note: Akuma** means **devil**, **Kaa-chan** equals **Mama-chan** (when Kaede is referred to as Kaa-chan, it's usually from Akairi's point of view), and last but not least, **Tou-chan** is translated as **Papa-chan**. This chapter is set in 1768, as was the 1st.

**Part 1: Akairi and the Wolf of Mibu**

**Chapter 3: Absentee Father**

* * *

"Why the look of surprise, wife? Did you think I was dead?"

It was the first time she saw Akuma. He was different from the slimy men who'd come in at night. He didn't flirt with or leer at Kaa-chan like they would have done. But he wasn't a kind man either.

There was no such thing as a kind man. Men were aimed to hurt women, with or without intent. If you were born a woman, then you were already at a disadvantage. All you could do was to keep yourself out of harm's way. And even that was impossible to do.

The above thoughts were Kaa-chan's, of course. Akairi was but an eight-years old. She didn't understand why men were so mean and women were so weak. It seemed really confusing, how a woman could protect herself while others were out to get her… So Akairi'd let it slip by her mind. Maybe when she's old enough, she'd understand what Kaa-chan taught her…

Here was Akuma, steely-eyed and devil-like. Tall yet arid. Wiry yet rough. Coarse dark hair long and ruffled. Carried a big katana.

She didn't know where he came from. Perhaps from scary fairy tales that'd give kids nightmares and make them wet their beds. It's not that important. All Akairi care now was for Akuma to go back to wherever he had come from.

Kaa-chan has been silent since the moment Akuma walked through the door. Akairi saw a shocked expression on her face, only for a split second, though it was definitely there. Then Kaa-chan put on the mask almost immediately. The icy daredevil façade often used in dealing with ruthless cutthroats in and out the brothel. Or to be more specific, when Kaa-chan was dealing with almost anyone save Akairi.

"That's what I assumed from the look of things. One thing I'm certain of, you weren't let out of prison on a pardon." Her voice was as smooth and cool as creek water in autumn.

"Damn your sassy mouth, woman! Can't you at least act like you're glad to see me, after these nine long years?" lamented Akuma.

"There's no purpose in acting. You are my husband, not my customers." retorted Kaa-chan.

"Ah, I was wrong to think you'd grow mellow, wife. But I didn't get out on a pardon. You see, I had help." He chuckled deviously. " From a fairygodmother." Shifting his eyes down at Akairi, he said, "You like fairy tales, don't you, Little Red Hood?"

Akairi shirked away, gripping tighter to Kaa-chan's kimono sleeve.

"Where the hell did the little baggage come from?" asked Akuma, gesturing toward Akairi.

"I bought her. At a very costly price."

Akuma eyed her for a while, and decided, "A hundred ryu should cover it. I'll call Kanno over tomorrow."

"She is too weak for labor."

"But not too young for sex." retorted Akuma, and laughed raucously. One could still hear it after he walked away.

When Akuma was out of sight, Kaa-chan kneeled down by her side and gently took her hand. She still had her mask on, though it wasn't as fierce as it used to be.

"I am no Angel, Akai-chan. I am bound to the Devil."

It was true.

Kaa-chan sided with the devil. Kaa-chan hurt Akairi.

She could've done all the cruel things and Akairi could still love her anyway…**because she was Kaa-chan!**

Yet for the first time, Akairi faced a bitter question. Does Kaa-chan really love her?

A hurtful look draped across Kaa-chan's face like a dark cloud over the brilliant sun. Akairi hated it. That haunting look…

Her eyes were shut; still she could see it.

Her eyes were blurry with tears; still it is there.

-

* * *

Takiko glared at the lecher, half in fear and half in disgust. 

"Who do you think you are, wench? Some kind of noblewoman? Lemme tell ye, as long as you're here, you're nothing! Nothing, ya hear!" bellowed the lecher as he forcefully dragged her into a nearby room, despite her cry and her feeble protest. It was hopeless. Nobody'd save her.

"Where the hell did ye come from? Get out of my way!"

It was Kaede's daughter who stopped the lecher on his track. Takiko shouted for the child to run the other way before the lecher could harm her too, but she wouldn't budge. The little girl seemed as if she was possessed.

"Very well then, you little bastard. If you're not backing off, why don't you crawl your way through instead?" chuckled the lecher excitedly as he parted his legs and gestured for Akairi to come through in between.

Takiko had expected—and hoped—for the child to run away. But she didn't. The little girl's eyes were ablazed with crimson fire and her small frame shook in intense fury. She plunged forward and bit into the lecher's hand.

There was screaming. And blood too.

Takiko trembled in terror when she saw those eyes. Those bloodthirsty eyes. Those wild, unrelenting eyes. Eyes that she had seen from nowhere else except one…

**The Wolves of Mibu.**

But those eyes belonged to the child. The child whose lips were graced with both blood and a smile. A wicked, satisfying smile.

"Shittmatta!" screamed the lecher as his hands tightened violently around the little girl's neck. He was going to crush her windpipe! He was going to kill her!

"Kuso, what's going on here?" gasped Michiko, whom just circled around the corner.

Takiko yelled out as she fruitlessly tried to pry the lecher off the child, "Help, somebody help!" She grabbed at the other woman's kimono. "He's killing her! Can't you see? He's killing her!"

Michiko just smiled. She was completely indifferent to the crisis at hand. As a matter of fact, she was enjoying this.

All of the sudden, the lecher froze. He could no longer move. And worse, blood was streaming profusely out of his nose and his mouth. After what seem like five horrific minutes of gory convulsions, the lecher felt lifelessly into the dark puddle of his own blood.

Only after he felt did Takiko saw what caused his death. There was a long needle that looked like a hairpin sticking out from the nape of the lecher's neck.

"Akai-chan!" exclaimed an agitated Kaede as she embraced her dazed daughter. She was too overwhelmed she could hardly say anything else.

"You killed our customer! How are we going to explain this to the police, bitch?" questioned a spiteful Michiko.

A furious slap whipped on the woman's cheek and knocked her down onto the floor. In a split second, Kaede's foot was grinding down on Michiko's neck. Breathlessly, Michiko tried to squirm her way out of it. It was no use.

"I don't give a damn what he is. And neither I do you." threatened Kaede in a voice that could chill anyone's blood. "That scum's death ought to remind you of your place. Either learn it or go to hell." Kaede pressed her foot down harder. Michiko's face turned purple. She looked as if she was suffocating.

Takiko was too terrified to say anything. But then, she wouldn't have to. Somebody else was going to interfere on Michiko's behalf.

"Toyotomi, get your foot off her!" commanded the old woman called Miyagi. "Have you forgotten that she is your husband's concubine?"

"She's just a whore like any other in this brothel. And what does a whore's life matter, wasn't that what you told me on the first day, _Miyagi-san_!" Kaede spat out the woman's name in disdain.

"Shut…your hole…You're…nothing but…a bitch!" Michiko struggled just to say her spiteful words. Those that she knew would pricked at Akairi's heart if not Kaede's. "That…dwarf…is but…a bastard…of…a Mibu dog!"

Kaede's face hardened in warning. But before she could react, Akairi has already rushed out of the hallway, crying wildly and furiously not unlike a wounded wolf as she went.

After making sure Kaede was out of sight while chasing after Akairi, Miyagi chided Michiko, "You should know better than to provoke a bristling hedgehog, fool!"

"I'm tired of provoking. She is but a useless wench now that the war is over. Why don't you get rid of her?" retorted Michiko.

"We can't kill her unless Kanno-san order for her death."

"I gave the old woman whatever information she wanted, so the deal is over. I'm free to kill her off as I want."

-

* * *

"Kaa-chan, the truth, please…just this one time…" cried the little girl. She was completely distraught and had the look of a rag doll that's been thrown out on the street for people to stomp on. 

"The truth is much too cruel, Akai-chan. I don't want you to get hurt." Kaede wiped off the tears smudging Akairi's cheeks.

"Kaa-chan will sell Akairi, just like Kaa-chan bought Akairi?" Akairi shook Kaede's hands. "**Say it's a lie! Kaa-chan, say it's a lie!**"

"What I said about buying you wasn't a lie. I bought you with my life, selling you'd mean ending my life." Kaede had a distant smile on her lips. "You, child, are the reason for which I live."

"What…about Akuma?"

No answer.

"What about…wolf of Mibu?"

Kaede trembled slightly. Akairi saw this and pushed on, "Why did they call Akairi bastard…of a Mibu wolf?"

Kaede shut her eyes. Why is her heart hurting so much…

"Kaa-chan…lies hurt more than truth. Akairi'd rather hear from Kaa-chan than those people."

Think about it, Kaede told herself, how would Akai-chan live if she goes through life being called bastard? But the truth…Kaede couldn't tell her the truth…

"Miburo was what they call the Shinsengumi swordsmen. Your father was one of them."

"What washis name?"

"It'd be cruel if I give you his name, and give you hope that you'd find him someday… Because, he didn't know you existed when he left us." said Kaede softly. Her tone was somewhere between bitterness and resignation.

"Why...'d Tou-chan leave?"

"We were the ones that bore ill fates. We should have never met each other."

-

* * *

End of Chapter 3 

**Notes on names of the character: **

**Kaede (Toyotomi) **means maple leaves, which ties in quite well with the autumn theme of the first chapter.

**Akairi**'s name is a combination of Aka (red) and Hikari (light), thus meaning Red Light. This is as close as I can get from a dictionary

**Kaede's husband** will simply be called **Akuma**—which means devil, to avoid any confusion.

-

* * *

Also, let's recap the relationships introduced so far, since a switch between past and present might cause confusion: 

Shinpachi hasn't appeared so far, but he will soon. One thing for sure, he's **not Soujirou's biological dad**

Kaede Toyotomi is **Akairi's mom**. Akuma is her husband **but not** Akairi's dad.

The woman in chapter 2 is **Soujirou's mom**. She and Kaede are 2 different characters.

-

* * *

**To ****BakaBokken:** Thanks much for reviewing, your comments mean a lot to me! I hope the recap clarified everything. I look forward to hear from you other people out there! 


	4. Chapter 4: A Mother's Last Smile

**Disclaimer: **I don't own PMK or Rurouni Kenshin.

**Part 1: Akairi and the Wolf of Mibu**

**Chapter 4: A Mother's Last Smile**

_**Seta-san,**_

_**Here is the money to cover Soujiro's medicines and doctor's fee. This is all I have right now, I will send last month's due when I can borrow some more. Please write back to me about his health as soon as possible. I heard that pneumonia is a horrible sickness, and am desperate to know about Soujiro's conditions. **_

_**Okita Ame**_

_**PS: Please reply as soon as possible.**_

Pneumonia. Last time it was small pox. What'd it be next?

Shinpachi put down the brush and looked at Ame with pity. He has been keeping his doubts to himself all the while he was writing the note for her, but finally Shinpachi couldn't stand it anymore and blurted out:

"Ame, this whole thing could just be a scam for all we know!"

"But what if it's true? What if Soujiro really _is_ sick? It's winter already, and I'm not there to make sure he's dressed up for the cold..." She was unable to go on; her head was aching so badly. Felt like somebody was hammering on it from the inside. Everything was blurry and swirling around; they made her almost nauseous.

Shinpachi shook his head exasperatedly:

"I'd jump off a bridge if those bloodsuckers were telling the truth! You and I both know it's the money they're after! They'll take every sen you have into their bellies, and they'd only be satisfied when they're dancing on your grave!"

Ame bit her lips and said nothing in response.

Cursed his thoughtless mouth. Shinpachi could never word his thoughts right even if his life depended on it. And he could never play a dummy and stand by to watch Ame get robbed to the death either.

As Ame put a hand over her forehead for support, she could feel it burning up, "You'll understand…when you're a parent, Shinpachi."

Shinpachi sighed. His parents died when he was too young to remember their faces. How was he to know what's it like being a parent?

"You'll be there…to help me, right?" He leaned closer to Ame, tried to land a kiss on her lips. She weakly averted her face, but it was more than enough to make him draw back. Hurt was in his eyes, she knew.

"I'm sorry…Shinpachi. We can't do this…I can't…" Ame lowered her eyes sadly.

"Is it possible…to let me love you? I mean, you don't have to love me back…'cause that seemed like asking too much." He smiled, whether sheepishly or bitterly she couldn't quite tell. "I never thought I'd be so sentimental about a woman before. It's funny, you know, when you're happy, my heart's feathery light; but when you're sad, it's heavy as lead…"

Oh, the lovesick fool…what he'd do to make her smile…what he'd do to make her happy…

"What is there to love, Shinpachi? All I've given you is burden and nothing more."

Yes. Burden and nothing more.

* * *

"It can't be true…Tell me it's not true!" exclaimed an aghast Shinpachi as he shook the doctor by the shoulders. "She can't! She couldn't have…" 

"I regret to tell you this, but it's the truth. She's in the final stage of syphilis. A normal person'd probably hold out for a month, but considering her emaciated conditions, she won't last long…"

"But why…"

Then it hit him. The realization so poignant it almost made him cried. She must've caught the dreadful disease from some bastard at the brothel…and she didn't want him near her…fearing he'd catch it…because…because…she was trying to protect him all this time…

"I'm sorry, Shinpachi." wheezed Ame. Her face was ghastly pale as a sheet of paper, her eyes were swollen, and her mouth was barely making any audible sounds.

"Why didn't you tell me, Ame? Why did you have to keep every damn thing to yourself?" He couldn't keep his tears contained anymore. He cried.

"I don't…want you to be sad. Our last days…were happy. I don't want to ruin them." whispered Ame nostalgically. Tears rained down her cheeks as she mustered her strength to speak, "I only regret…I can't…see Sou…before I…die."

"I'll find Soujiro. I'll take care of him like he was my kid, I promise."

"Thank…you."

"I love you." If he could do things over again, he'd say it to her a thousand times a day… Only if he could do it over…

"Don't…!" sobbed Ame as Shinpachi held her hand, "if you say it…I can't go…in peace…knowing…I've hurt you. Say you hate me…"

"I love you." He stubbornly repeated those three words.

"Let me…go in peace, Shinpachi…say…you…hate me."

He shut his eyes. Were there needles pricking at his heart? "I hate you…as much as I hate myself."

Ame smiled. She saw peace already. For once in her miserable life, she could smile again, even when death was coming to take her.

* * *

He put flowers on Ame's grave, and Okita's too. At least he didn't have to worry about Ame being harrassed in hell, knowing that her brother'd be there to protect her. It's already been two years. Shinpachi had recovered somewhat, but never did he feel like laughing or being his carefree self again. Back then; people who knew him had thought he'd never grown up. He did after her death. He missed his youth, always goofing around without a care in the world. 

Being an adult paid in heavy price.

It was raining. Shinpachi wondered if Ame was crying. Seemed as if she'd never ran out of tears. He wished he could've been there to dry her tears. Maybe in the after life…maybe…

"I have to go now. They told me some bum in bandages killed the Seta family just last week. But they didn't find Soujiro's body. So I know he's out there somewhere. You two keep an eye on Soujiro until I find him, ne?"

* * *

**Character notes:**

**Shinpachi:** Poor Shinpat-tsuan got his heart all broken! It seemed really mean of me to have his first love died, but it wouldn't be fair to Kaede and Akairi if he'd gone off and started a happy family, would it? So hard to picture a depressed Shinpachi, and I hate it too, considering how lively, adorable, mirthful and childish his character is… So now we know how Soujiro comes to be involved in this…though I can't have Shinpachi to be Sou's biological dad, he'd probably be some kind of father figure for Sou to look up to in the future.

**Okita Ame: **A tragic story of a fallen woman. If you took notice, you might have seen that I have the brothel and prostitutes as a repeating motif in this story. It's a place that borne many miseries, so sad…other than exploiting this setting and its related ideas, there is no sick twisted purpose otherwise.

I couldn't have Okita Souji as Sou's real dad, it'd be very corny and wouldn't explain the fact of his dad as a rice merchant. So I have his sister as Sou's mom and Okita as Sou's uncle instead—they're siblings, they HAVE to look alike, don't they? We'd assumed that Sou gets his physical traits from his mom's side for the time being. This fits in very well, actually.

**To Senbi:** Thanks for your review! Shinpachi **did** survive the war, only Kaede doesn't know it. There is a father-daughter reunion in store, Shinpachi and Akai-chan. I love writing about these kinds of family relationships, 'cause it seemed like our characters rarely have parents…sad isn't it? Everyone deserves a family, or at least a loving parent.

About the use of the hairpin-needle, it was meant for Kaede to be a shinobi, (she did have a samurai background afterall) and also it ties in with the analogy of her being a "bristling hedgehog" quite well. -

**To ****Frankie the Spunky One** Thanks for reviewing! The new chap's up, go read it!


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